just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
