so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
