My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
