tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
