shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
