grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
