she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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