Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
