Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Houston, we have a squirter
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
