end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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