Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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