I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
