You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
