But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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