what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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