Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In America we eat man semen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
