I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
