you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
