mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
