This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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