CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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