why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
