Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
