I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
