Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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