At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
two words: eviction party
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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