So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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