using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
