got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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