Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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