i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
