My underwear smells like fireworks.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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