Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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