Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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