How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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