that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We need to get me chipped asap
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