Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
