Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it because I queefed?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
