so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
