ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
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The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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