Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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