the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
