So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
