man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will pee on everything he values.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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