Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize