Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's always time for handjobs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
