bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
