She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
