Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
