Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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