i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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