Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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