Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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