I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
