I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i believe in u and ur pee
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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