Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
