I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
