i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We got so high we made milksteak
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
