So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
