nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
