so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
