Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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