your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
