Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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