During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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