I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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