Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
