Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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