i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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